Early & Alone #2: The Valentine's Day Edition
One of my vices is reading fashion blogs. Recently, one of my old favorites chirped (or typed in a chirpy fashion) "How can anyone hate a holiday that supports love and the very best shades of pink and red?" *raises hand and waves it around* I've got a few reasons! Pick me, pick me!
There's a lot to hate about Valentine's Day. If you're in a relationship, there's pressure to get the perfect gift to show your partner just how much you care, as well as the stress of trying to score a reservation at a restaurant that will likely be crawling with other couples out to have a great "date night." If you have children, you've got to help them pick out the right cards to give to all of their classmates, aiding them in the tricky navigation involved in choosing which cartoon character will best demonstrate who they are. If you're just starting to see someone, there's the awkwardness of figuring out what Valentine's Day will mean for the both of you. And if you have a pulse, there are conversation hearts, the scourge of the candy world, right up there with Mary Janes and circus peanuts as candy so bad you actively try to avoid it rather than put it in your mouth. Does anyone like those things?
And yeah, obviously, Valentine's Day sucks if you're single. Because even though you rationally know it's a bullshit capitalistic sham of a holiday regardless of your relationship status, there's a part of you that still wants to receive chocolates in a heart-shaped box or flowers delivered to your office or have plans for a romantic dinner with someone you love (and ideally want to sleep with).
But what sucks even more than feeling left out of the whole Valentine's Day shazam is being patronized. There's little I hate more than seeing companies shill products geared toward single people (mostly women) in an effort to make them feel included (but mostly so those companies can make money). Now don't get me wrong--I love receiving valentines from friends and family who love me and want me to know they're thinking of me. It's a kind and loving gesture, one that is totally in keeping with what Valentine's Day SHOULD be--tokens of affection between people who love one another.
But lord help you if you ever hand me (like friends did in high school) a "Grow a Boyfriend" or a "boyfriend pillow" that will allow you to "feel the hug of a real man without the snoring, smell, tossing, or turning." Yeah, and also without the conversation, support, love, and companionship that come with an actual human partner. These kinds of "gag" gifts reduce the search for a real, flesh-and-blood partner to a joke where the single person is the punch line, a sad and lonely loser. Alternatively, they paint every single person as a portrait of desperation when many people would rather be single than in a traditional relationship.
Almost more condescending is this Etsy listing for a "pocket manfriend," a tiny painted object with a name and assigned personality that you can carry around with you for "moral support." There's Clive, a "very polite reader" who smells faintly of mothballs, or Eric, a bearded vegetarian graphic designer. It's meant to be a sweet, funny gift, and the descriptions seem to poke a little fun at the kinds of men one tends to see on Tinder. BUT if I were to receive a "pocket manfriend" as a gift, I'd wonder what the giftgiver really thought of me, to think that a tiny object with a man's face painted on it could be a substitute for real companionship, for a real conversation about books or a date to a vegetarian restaurant, a beard's tickle during a goodnight kiss.
The worst offender that I've seen, though, is this offer from UK retailer Mr. Bingo for Valentine's cards for single people--for FORTY POUNDS. That's, like, $50. Yes, the cards are "bespoke art" but it seems a little bit like exploitation to me. Why do I need to send myself a really expensive card on Valentine's Day? Advertising to singles on Valentine's Day feels gross and unnecessary to me, like going after childless people on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Let's celebrate the mothers and fathers, both literal and figurative, on those days, and let's celebrate our loves, romantic or platonic, on Valentine's Day, without all the cultural trappings of relationship status.
I myself am getting fancy cocktails and catching up with a friend on Valentine's Day, but I would have also been happy to spend the evening in my sweatpants in my apartment, drinking wine and eating frozen pizza, because let's be honest--it's a Tuesday in February, and really, no one wants to be out and about town. So do what you love and tell your loved ones you love them and eat some chocolate, if it's available, but please don't call attention to your single friends by giving them a "quirky" gift that will only highlight how lonely they may feel, or how misunderstood by everyone around them.
A Bonus Puggle Picture For You
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