Early & Alone #41: Isolation
It seems ludicrous that it’s taken me nearly a month to sit down and write an Early & Alone during this time of isolation, but writing has somehow become even more difficult than it was before. Maybe it’s because nothing feels as important or momentous than the ongoing struggle of millions all over the world in combating the coronavirus. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to focus. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like I have much of value to say. Maybe it’s because I have a new dog that has been taking up more of my time than I could have imagined. It’s probably a good mix of all these things.
Compared to most of the population, my life hasn’t changed all that much. I have been working from home for a little over a year, and I’ve been single for so long that human touch is kind of always a distant memory. I am, of course, wracked with worry about my family and friends, and their loved ones, and what will happen to the world as a result of the pandemic. But, overall, my life is on an even keel. Like many, I feel a sense of suspension, of having hit “pause” on life in general. But the trees outside are budding, the sun is setting later, children are growing, and in the absence of my regular hair appointment, my hair is getting more and more gray. Life goes on.
The biggest change in my life has been adopting a dog, as I mentioned above. If you know me, you know I love dogs. But I’ve been hesitant to get my own because of the commitment. I used my landlord as an excuse, but when new tenants moved in upstairs with a greyhound, it became apparent that if I really wanted a dog, I could talk him into it. So at the beginning of the year, on one of those days when it seemed I only smiled when I saw a dog on the street, I decided I’d get a dog in the spring, after I returned from my vacation to Iceland. When that got cancelled, I realized I didn’t have to wait—if anything good was going to come out of this quarantine, I reasoned, it would be that I would finally have a dog of my own.
The adoption process was a little frenzied, given the virus and social distancing guidelines, and the hordes of people who suddenly found themselves at home with time to fill and a dog-shaped hole in their hearts, but I found a pup I wanted to meet at the MSPCA near my apartment. I made an appointment and my roommates and I drove over to meet him on a brisk Sunday afternoon. He was wearing a giant plastic cone to prevent him from licking his neutering incision and he was shy and nervous, pulled on his leash excitedly as we walked him around the grounds of the shelter, trying to win his trust and affection with cut up hotdogs. The shelter cautioned that he had some reactive issues with other dogs and barked at strangers. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but my mind was made up, so I paid the fees, signed the paperwork, and bought him a bunch of swag. I went to pick him up the following Tuesday afternoon, and my heart swelled as he ran out to my car and jumped up to greet me, wagging his tail as though he understood that I was going to take him home and take care of him. He hasn’t left my side much since, though he’s definitely getting more comfortable with the house.
Gizmo (formerly known as Darwin) is a tiny, spotted chihuahua mix. At two years old, he has tons of energy. He is a fantastic cuddler but also a barky gentleman. I haven’t had many good nights of sleep since taking him home, to be honest. My day is structured around his 3-4 walks a day, his play time, his demands for snuggles, some attempts at training. Sometimes I wonder if I would be more productive, more relaxed if I hadn’t chosen to bring him into my life. That probably doesn’t matter, though. What matters is he’s here, and he’s mine, quirks and all.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say, really, beyond this time of isolation has also been a time of patience and learning and love and connection. Not just with Gizmo, but with friends near and far, with family, with community. It’s a different kind of connection, but still valid, a network of check-ins and recipe sharing and Zoom happy hours and FaceTimes and memes and donations and care. Of distance being a form of consideration.
Here are some links to things that I have enjoyed over the last few weeks. Both Gizmo and I hope that you are doing well out there. We miss you.
Read: Obviously loved this commentary by my favorite, Glynnis MacNicol, on how social distancing has made her feel seen as a single woman.
Support: If you’re in need of some reading materials (who isn’t?) then you can support your local indie bookstore through Bookshop, a new alternative to Amazon.
Do: Go for a walk around your neighborhood, if you’re able, and pay attention to the way the flowers are blooming, the architectural quirks of the houses, all of the many things we’re so often too busy to notice. Take a turn down the dead-end streets, meander, wander, get a little lost.
Indulge: Treat yourself to your favorite decadent snack at the grocery, the one that feels the most ridiculous. The Hostess cupcakes, the ice cream, the fancy cheese, the frozen chicken fingers, whatever your particular “weakness” is. I splurged on a bag of Ruffles potato chips on my last grocery run and I didn’t regret it. If we can’t buy snacks during this situation, then when can we??
Listen: I recommend turning on anything that makes you want to dance, and dance around for a few minutes every day. Preferably, you will do this in front of your dog, who will give you a very perplexed look but will tolerate it, because he has to.
Watch: HBO has made some of its content free to watch on its website without a subscription for the month of May. This apparently doesn’t work with TV services such as Roku, which my roommate and I found out last night when trying to watch Succession, but you can stream via the app on your phone or computer. I’m planning to try to check out Succession and McMillions while I can, but there’s also classic shows available like The Wire, Six Feet Under, and Veep.
Move: If you’re missing the gym, many fitness studios are offering free or discounted streaming workouts right now, including my own local spin studio, REPS. Also, Peloton is offering 3-month free trials right now. I haven’t tried it yet myself, but it includes various workouts like yoga, strength training, and outdoor runs/walks, in addition to the spinning and treadmill workouts.
Watch: I really loved the updated High Fidelity on Hulu. Also, I recommend checking out Michelle Wolf’s stand up special, The Joke Show, on Netflix if you’re in the mood for some feminist comedy.
Hang in there, everyone!