Early & Alone #72: In the Cards

Using tarot as a mirror

Perhaps the most prescient, on-brand photo of me to ever exist

My mom had a deck of tarot cards when I was little (see above) and I loved to play with them, though I didn’t understand what they were. The pictures were strange but captivating and I’d just lay them out, make stories from them.

Despite what you may have heard about tarot, I don’t believe they’re a mystical portal to telling the future. Instead, in my experience, reading tarot is like writing in that it’s meaning making, pulling a narrative thread from a collection of random-seeming images. Perhaps that’s why I’ve always been drawn to them.

After years of occasional tarot readings, some of which resonated and some that didn’t, I finally got my own deck in the fall of 2018, during a trip to Salem. There’s a belief that one isn’t supposed to buy their own tarot decks (I don’t believe this—if you want some, buy them. There are SO MANY great decks out there.) so the woman in line in front of me traded her deck with mine so we were following this arbitrary rule. I bought Michelle Tea’s amazing book Modern Tarot and read it cover to cover, underlining and taking notes. I began doing readings for friends and pulling cards for myself every morning. It was a lovely anchor, but as with most hobbies, it was soon subsumed by other more quotidian concerns.

But the cards were always there, at the edges of my mind. I’d pull cards when I was feeling particularly stuck or disheartened. For New Year’s 2021, I pulled a card for friends and sent them a mini-reading as a New Year’s gift. I bought a new deck in Sedona in 2021 (which is now lost, sadly…so maybe you shouldn’t buy cards for yourself?) and Jeff got me a stunning set for Christmas. I was back!

Most recently, I bought Jessica Dore’s Tarot for Change and I’m not exaggerating when I say this book might be life-changing? Dore has a background in clinical psychology and she’s also a beautiful writer, so her descriptions of the cards are infused with empathy and wisdom and connections to both psychology and ancient myths. It has totally reinvigorated my connection to the cards and to the meaning behind them.

Similarly, tarot has been an important part of the coaching course I’m taking with Catherine Andrews, who just wrote a newsletter about her own tarot journey and is running a tarot for beginners workshop this Sunday (11/12) if you’re tarot-curious yourself. Catherine has provided optional tarot spreads for every week of the course, and they’ve really helped me gain clarity and insights around what I want my business to look like.

And I think tarot is part of that business. So I’m building a tarot for writers framework in which I tailor readings to writers, helping them approach a creative practice, or solve blocks, or figure out what the heck they’re trying to say. I know tarot has helped me with all of these questions and more, so I’m eager to explore what that looks like. Because even though I don’t believe tarot is a magic crystal ball, I do think it’s a kind of mirror that helps us see and know ourselves better—arguably even more magical than anything else. And despite my deep-seated cynicism, I do think there’s some sort of cosmic energy behind the cards and what they try to tell us or help us see.

I’ve got work and learning to do to get there. But I’m eager to get started. If you’re a writer and any of this sounds intriguing to you, please let me know! I’d be happy to offer a FREE mini-reading to the first 3 people who reach out.

Bright Spots

• Y’all. The third season of Love Is Blind was OFF THE RAILS. I loved it so much. I watched the final episodes last night and my jaw was on the floor for approximately 80% of the time. If you’ve watched and know what the “cuties story” means, check out this insightful essay that I think breaks down a lot of how I felt about that complicated story line (but don’t read it if you don’t want spoilers!). I have a lot more to say about it but I’m still processing…maybe I will write a future newsletter about it all.

• I live by these Balance Bound notebooks. They help me keep track of my daily to-do list and I get lots of satisfaction from crossing tasks off.

• If you’re not reading Hunter Harris’ newsletter, Hung Up, you’re missing out on genuine belly laughs every week. I just became a paying subscriber. No regrets.

• This essay about my favorite children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit, made me cry because apparently I’m still deeply affected by the plight of a fictional stuffed rabbit?!