“But what about people who are determined and funny and opinionated and have bad tempers and have never been able to cook anything more complicated than pasta?” This is quite literally me. I am an angry mother who can’t cook. But I like to believe I’m a very good mother. On most days, at least. It is such a complicated role and goes so far beyond the textbook descriptions. I appreciate this conversation and love the analysis of the LIB reunion. Such a bizarre train wreck. I truly hope the Lacheys are canned because I don’t know if I can tolerate another season of Vanessa thinking she’s funny and provocative and wise.
I think it would be interesting to ask people if they think they had a good mother, and if so, what it was about her that made her one. Same for if they had a mother who was...less-than-ideal (I think a lot of people would be hesitant to come right out and say their mother was a bad mom unless her behavior was really extreme). What I suspect is that people who felt loved unconditionally and that they had a secure environment where they could talk to their mom and be themselves are the ones who'd say they had a "good mother." No one says that they had a good mother because the house was always clean.
I really appreciate your comments about what "a good mother" should be. Looking back on my own mothering years, the question is fraught with joy and guilt and wishes for do-overs. I celebrate my son, now almost 50 years old, but I can tell you, we had good years and not so good ones. I'd had such an idealized vision of "mothering" ingrained during the '60's. I'm just proud that I made it through those years of active parenting as a single mother, head of household, careering, leaning on others for support. That era wasn't anything like I expected. Glad I did it? Yes. But hopefully women know more than I did - and can actually choose what is right for them. Loved those last lines of yours - there are plenty of ways to nurture and care for people in this world, regardless of your mothering status.
“But what about people who are determined and funny and opinionated and have bad tempers and have never been able to cook anything more complicated than pasta?” This is quite literally me. I am an angry mother who can’t cook. But I like to believe I’m a very good mother. On most days, at least. It is such a complicated role and goes so far beyond the textbook descriptions. I appreciate this conversation and love the analysis of the LIB reunion. Such a bizarre train wreck. I truly hope the Lacheys are canned because I don’t know if I can tolerate another season of Vanessa thinking she’s funny and provocative and wise.
I think it would be interesting to ask people if they think they had a good mother, and if so, what it was about her that made her one. Same for if they had a mother who was...less-than-ideal (I think a lot of people would be hesitant to come right out and say their mother was a bad mom unless her behavior was really extreme). What I suspect is that people who felt loved unconditionally and that they had a secure environment where they could talk to their mom and be themselves are the ones who'd say they had a "good mother." No one says that they had a good mother because the house was always clean.
I really appreciate your comments about what "a good mother" should be. Looking back on my own mothering years, the question is fraught with joy and guilt and wishes for do-overs. I celebrate my son, now almost 50 years old, but I can tell you, we had good years and not so good ones. I'd had such an idealized vision of "mothering" ingrained during the '60's. I'm just proud that I made it through those years of active parenting as a single mother, head of household, careering, leaning on others for support. That era wasn't anything like I expected. Glad I did it? Yes. But hopefully women know more than I did - and can actually choose what is right for them. Loved those last lines of yours - there are plenty of ways to nurture and care for people in this world, regardless of your mothering status.